Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Creepsters... and why we love them!

photo © Sarah Klockars-Clauser
for CC:Attribution-ShareAlike

For anyone who has an online presence, or who's ever tried talking to other people online (with OR without the intent of ever actually "hooking up"), chances are you've probably encountered a creepster.  It's okay, really.  Go ahead.  Think about it....

Now that you've thought about it (even if you may not have wanted to), can you count how many there have been?

Sadly, I can honestly say I have reached the point where I can no longer count them.  But I don't know that that's necessarily a bad thing!  You see, as I was thinking on this over the lovely holiday weekend, I came to a miraculous conclusion: we love the Creepsters!!!!  We do, truly!  Don't believe me?  Well, allow me to explain to you why! :)

The reason the Creepsters are our secret little lovebunnies is because they give us a reason to stay sane by comparison.  It's like, wow... suddenly I don't seem so insanely abnormally odd when compared to THAT Creepster person!  Sheesh.  And then we list off all the reasons (either out loud or in our head) why we are more "normal" than the abnormal creep that just got on our freakin' bad side and then suddenly we are feeling better about our own quirks.  The best thing about it is, we generally don't ever (and I repeat EVER) go out of our way to annoy, irritate, or berate said Creepsters in any way, shape, or form... because we know they will probably go crazy on our asses and resort to some atypical, abnormally creepy sort of violence that we just do NOT want to deal with.  And that shit ain't cool.  So, we keep cool, ignore them quietly, and hope that they get the message and go away or disappear on their own...

Most of the time this method works, and within a few months or a year, we find ourselves in the clear! Yeah! But every once in a while, the Creepster proves themselves to be more problematic than we originally thought they'd be.  If you find this to be the case, go get a restraining order ASAP (if they live in your city) or block them and change your email addy or whatnot if they don't.  It's like feeding the trolls in other places online... the more morsels they get, the worse they behave.  And yes, I have certainly had to take it there a time or two myself!

Finally, please please PLEASE beware of the signs of people with actual mental disorders.  I honestly didn't know I was dealing with a full on sadistic sociopath until it was too late.  Said sociopath sought me out recently and slipped me his number as recently as a month ago... and it's been 2 years since we hooked up.  Two years, folks.... so, please, if you think the Creepster is actually *more* than just a creep, take extra precautions in your own favor, okay?

That said, remember that Creepsters are people, too!  They honestly just fell in lust with your 'net wit and humorously insightful wiles, cunning remarks, and sensual ways.  How could they not?  You're a fox! ;)  And their undying, unrelenting, selfless adoration just shows you how much you have to be thankful for.  And this is why we love them... they may be Creepsters, but they see our beauty beyond our flaws, and love us anyway. We love them back because they make us feel more sane.  It's win-win, right?  At least that's what we'll keep telling ourselves... keep smiling and nodding until they're not looking and you can make a run for it, honey!  ;)

Ignore me... I'm having post turkey day euphoric bliss.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Scooting further into Wannabe-Cougar Status: LGB’s Kryptonite

What is it about teenage boys that makes them so dangerous to me? Most of the time, I make my way through life just fine, thank you very much! But every once in a while I am like a deer in headlights… and the car speeding towards me is a super-hot young thing and for some reason I just can’t damn tear myself away.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that even after all these years I am still enthralled with the beauty that is my husband. I think he’s gorgeous, and he makes my heart go pittypattypat all aflutter stutter with his super-long lovely lashes, caramel honey eyes, luscious lips, smooth skin, perfectly maintained and manicured nails, and svelte body. He’s always been oh, I dunno… 60-100lbs smaller than me from the time I’ve known him. Sometimes more, sometimes less, and it drives me absolutely insane with lust. I have no idea why, but it does. He has a sense of style that makes me trust his judgment even more than my own at times. He is stunning, and intelligent, and an intellectual, and passionate about the things he cares about in a way that makes me melt. He is a plethora of knowledge and more than capable of carrying on a conversation with others on a slew of topics, and these are all things that drive me insane with lust if other men have them as well.

So how does all that relate to younger or even teenie bopper hotties? Well, I have this almost fetish-like lust for the perpetually playful as well. Many men tend to lose that with age, and they become hardened and jaded. They also become less curious about the world at large, and I love learning things and can’t ever imagine getting to a point where I no longer wish to discover what else there is to know.

But the main reason I love young guys: long hair and skinny jeans. OH. My. GOD. Now, my hubbykins would never be caught dead in those skinny jeans, LOL. But sometimes he does get to grow his hair out ‘til it gets a bit shaggy and I *love* it. And… although I think most men now might’ve been comfy wearing skinny jeans in the 80s, they totally won’t rock them now. Young guys don’t seem to mind one bit. I like those that don’t rock the skinny jeans too LOL. Emo/scene/goth/industrial/punk/whatever=all good with me. I would say urban, but sagging below the ass makes my skin boil in a NOT so good way. It pisses me off and usually comes with a disgustingly disrespectful attitude. Sorry for the generalization/stereotype but I have yet to be impressed.

The only thing that continues to bother me as I move further into my Wannabe-Cougar Status is that a lot of times, there is an uncertainty, or an insecurity, on the young guy’s part. He isn’t really sure that he actually LIKES( bigger girls, black girls, married girls, older girls, moms, teachers, fill in the blank with your fantasy here) whatever, but wants to try it out. He doesn’t really know if he CAN have sex with another man in the room. He can’t say for certain whether or not he’s able to commit to anything one way or another unless he and I can get together alone first. UGH. So annoying! And so sad.  Still, I want to bite them so badly. They’re scrumptious!

Sunday, October 2, 2011


I am feeling languid... sleepy... unable to focus. The hubby says that what happened last night I fully brought upon myself, but I beg to differ. I agree that we both teased each other throughout the day with sexual banter, texting, images.... but I couldn't even hold myself upright when we were done, much less move! How on earth is that my fault? How could I have possibly done that to myself? LOL.

I want to curl up in bed the rest of the day eating sweet goodies and reading. I don't want to be up. I don't want to do laundry. I don't want to cook or clean up anything. I just want to snuggle up with a book and something yummy and snooze between chapters as the day slips away, feeling the remnants of the deliciousness of what happened last night.

My question to you, dear readers if you're out there, is this:
When having sexual escapades, do we bring it upon ourselves if we find that we are completely unable to function due to total satisfaction & bliss afterward? LOL. Do we have only ourselves to blame if our partners give us exactly what we want by fucking us relentlessly, shamelessly, wantonly until we cum all over themselves and ourselves, being totally depleted once we're through?

It is so delicious... but jeez, I don't want to do anything today... and it's fast approaching noon! :P

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The dreaded Dirty Thirty!!! Or… Oh no, not the big Three- Oh! :)

I will be turning 30 soon. I have dreaded this day for the past five years now, and now that it's here, I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. It's astounding, really…. All this time I have spent dreading it, only to find that I have developed this amazing "fuck this shit" attitude that I am falling in love with! Where'd that come from? I've no clue, but I think I like it… even though some people are really starting to think that I am a serious bitch LOL. Anyway….

The hubby and I went out last night to celebrate! We went to the swingers' club we frequent and OMG I had so much fun! One of the many things I love so much about my wonderful husband is that he is sometimes more of a kinky, perverted freak than I am. And WHAT a turn on *that* is! ;) Last night was just one of those times where he kept on throwing me into things that we both knew I wanted to do anyway, but wouldn't have the guts to do unless he taunted me into 'em. And honestly, I thank him for it today. I loved every freakin' minute of it. It was great! And now I'm gonna share the run-down with you.


To start it off, it was a "retro" theme, and I kicked it *seriously* old school. Far more "old school", in fact, than anyone else there. I went all 1940's pinup, complete with the victory rolls in the 'do, whereas everyone else played it safe and stuck to the 70's, 80's, and 90's. What can I say, though? I'm such a classy dame, I couldn't do it any other way :P LOL! Anyway, it was still lots of fun to see everyone's outfits. I especially enjoyed trying to determine if the hardcore punkrock couple were doing that look for the 80's/90's grunge… or they seriously dress that way every day ('cause dude was sportin' some serious spikes).


The first highlight of my night was catching the eye of my girl crush when I walked in. I don't know what it is about noticing that special someone when *they* notice *you* from across the room, but it totally made my mood jump up ten spots! Then the hubby and I found a booth right next to the dancefloor, and enjoyed some… Vanilla Ice! HA! They were playing all sorts of crazy greats.


The next highlight of my night was at midnight. Now, I had told hubby that at midnight I was losing the dress, however a couple things happened in quick succession. First, we won a door prize! It's some porno that we haven't had a chance to watch yet. I'll report back on it when we do! ;) And second, when the DJ asked for anyone celebrating a birthday or anniversary to come to center stage for a lapdance… well, no one moved. Not even me, even though in two weeks I'm hittin' the Dirty Thirty. So hubby starts taunting and teasing me GOOD, to the point that I'm like you know what, ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And as I jump up to prance straight up to the middle chair, guess who immediately came up to give me a dance? Oh yeah… Girlcrush central! The DJ was courteous and waited another minute or two and I was finally joined by three other brave souls LOL. Then, the DJ also joined in on giving the lap dances. In fact, he insisted that Girlcrush switch so he could dive facefirst into my lap. J Awesomeness. All four hotties gave amazing lap dances to the guys and gals on the stage (yeah, there were no reservations LOL) and hubby pointed out to me afterwards that I was the only one up there who sat like they were at an actual strip club… that everyone else had their hands all over the people giving lap dances. And this, my friends, had me feeling like quite the childish loser LOL! I was too busy giggling and squealing with child-like fascination and delight, and… shamefully… talking… yes, talking… to the people giving me lap dances. Oh, the horror, right? LOL. God, when the one chick buried her face in my boobs I lost all thought whatsoever… but regained consciousness shortly thereafter, so everything was fine, no worries!


After that, it was time for me to remove my red satin dress and show off what I had going on underneath that lil' number the whole time. I'd been sporting this black and gold corset, with matching black and gold side-tie

silk panties and thigh high fishnets. I love corsets…. But it became very apparent that I am gonna need some stronger stuff because my boobs are HEAVY. Still, I think that HipsandCurves may get lots of business from the amount of referrals I gave that night. Apparently lovely corsets and sparkly dangly earrings are excellent conversation starters for women folk! My revelations here will likely be the focus of my next blog, too. I am still kind of undecided, but leaning towards writing about the topic of self love.


But anyway! As I am prancing around in my sexy little getup, hubby starts teasing me again about doing something he knew all along I wanted to do: getting a birthday spanking from the resident Domme. She has her own little corner of the club that she runs for the vanilla-ish swingers who come to her for a little spice, but I wanted a real=deal spanking. And BOY did she ever give it to me! Holy Freakin Mother of JESUS did she know what the fuck she was doing!!!!!!!! Spanked my tits straight out of my corset, LOL! I mean, I was screaming and wiggling and moaning like a madwoman! My entire ass was afire but with nary a bruise. I think SHE was excited too though, because normally it's people wanting a naughty "taste" of some S&M, but not the real deal hardcore stuff actual submissives and masochists are into. When I went up, she actually asked me, "So... you're turning 21, right...?" to which I kindly replied, "No ma'am... THIRTY!!!!" and she said, "Are you sure?" and I was like "no...." lol.... so the first smack was actually fairly light. But then… then she asked the tell-tale, "Let me know...was that too hard?" to which I responded by yelling out, "No ma'am, not at all!" and she had that momentary silent pause of pleased surprise followed by a smirking "Oh, really?"

And then she REALLY let me have it :) And she apparently used three different floggers, according to the hubby dearest... and gave me my 5 or ten to grow on with her birthday candle special one LOL! She was all business with that spanking, and I hugged and thanked her profusely for it. I've watched her with others to kind of scope out the scene ahead of time, and she really does put on a ridiculously sexy good show keeping it calm and sexy for the not so kinky folk. I am still smiling as I type this, because it always makes me giggle when I realize how easy I am to figure out for those who *know* what to look for. In this case, it was her position as a Domme. She sniffed me out completely after one swat on the ass LOL. And it was wonderful.


There was another reeeeeally sexy girl there too, and I think that maybe perhaps she was flirting with me… but due to my total inexperience I remain clueless in the girl realm LOL. The other things that went down deal with a guy's mistreatment of her, and that too shall remain a topic for another day. Until then… here's to turning Dirty Thirty!


I wonder what boundaries hubby will encourage me to push next time we go…

Monday, July 11, 2011

Random Facts: 15 things on Bonita’s “Fucket” List!

_____ MFM 3some
_____ FMF 3some
_____ Groupsex (any combo/straight) – watched, but wanna participate! lol
_____ Groupsex (any combo/bi) – watched this too, dammit! I am such a voyeur LOL!
_____ Groupsex (any combo/lesbian) – okay, watched this as well… but I am TOTALLY cool with that as it was a mind-blowing, once-in a lifetime experience!!!! :D
_____ Be topped by a Domme/Sadist
_____ Domme a sub/masochist
_____ Rope Bondage
_____Talk to a girl crush
_____ Talk to a boy crush
_____ Make out with a girl
_____ Have sex with a girl
_____ Cuck a hottie cucky
_____ Sex a sexy CD/TV
_____ Sex a sexy trans (FTM or MTF… or both!)

Key: ___ = completed

Monday, July 4, 2011

Boys are yummy :)

I'm not sure what it is about twinks, or "lambchops", as my dear friend Cyravance calls them (she totally coined that term, so it's her trademark and I'm borrowing it lol!), that makes me so darn attracted to them.  If you're not sure what a twink is, please check out Urban Dictionary or watch the following video of my biggest boytoy crush EVER, courtesy of my most fave pornsite ever, Xtube.  He goes by TheCandySpookie on there, and has no idea who I even am because in true stalker-girl crush fashion, I perv his things in secret every flippin' chance I get.  And I rub my clit furiously while I watch him and his lil' pretty lovely friends fuck each other senseless.  It's great stuff, I promise! :)

Wwwwheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!  Alright now calm down your breathing, lick your cum off your fingers, and finish reading. :)

I don't know what it is that makes me so ridiculously attracted to that.  To those types of guys.  God help me if they are emo, goth, skater, hipster, or scene in any kind of way.  Beautiful boys make my brain do crazy things such as NOT think.  I turn into a blabbering, stammering idiot unable to form sentences or even the most remote traces of coherent thought.  It's quite sad, but also quite true.  My husband?  Oh, he is totally twink city.  Now, don't let him know *I* said that!  But he is!!!  Gorgeous, yummy, svelte, lovely boy goodness.  Just thinking of him makes me want to get up from here right this second, run into the room and take a bite before I type another word of this blog LOL!  In fact...

Wait, wait! See what just happened there?  Blubbering idiot me when I have something important to do. *sigh*

The point of today's blog is to ask you ask I ask myself, what truly dictates our sense of pure attraction? 

Last night we had excellent conversation with several sexy people (which comes as no surprise... we were at a sex club after all LOL).  But the surprise is this:  one of the most attractive men there was a BHM: Big Handsome Man.  Now, I'm not stating at all that I've never been attracted to big guys.  That'd be a lie.  The reason this surprises me is the *bigness* of this big guy.  I mean, he was a BIG big guy... and he was REALLY handsome.  But not only was he big and handsome, he was all those other things that we girls love about guys that make us melt!  He was witty and charming, charismatic and sweet, courteous, intelligent, and an excellent conversationalist that kept both myself AND my husband entertained.  Now *that* was the biggest surprise of 'em all, folks.  Usually, there isn't much genuine interest in the art of conversing with others when you're surrounded by swingers LOL!  But here's this really big, really handsome, really awesome guy... and he never made neither myself nor my husband feel awkward the entire two hours we spent hanging out with him.  I am still amazed.  It was fantastic, and I'm really glad we met him. :)

The dilemma, though?  I tried to picture how actual sex would go, and I couldn't.  I can't.  I know that it could happen... but as a BIG GIRL myself, I'm not sure how one might go about it?  And I mean that in the most non-rude, non-vicious way possible.  I genuinely don't know.  My love for twinks means the biggest guy I ever had sex with was muscular-lookin' football player size.  If the big guy weren't so devilishly handsome, I'd feel vain and guilty for that statement... but I don't feel an ounce of guilt because I'm writing this seriously, folks.  So basically if you have any input whatsoever, it'd be genuinely appreciated! :)  I'm just such a curious kitty... I have to know if/how this can be done!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Slave (Cat Star Chronicles) - By Cheryl Brooks

Slave is a futuristic story about a girl who falls in love with a human-like guy with cat-like features who she actually encounters as, you guessed it, a slave! She buys him for a really cheap price and has a run-in with the previous owner that leads to her pretty much sealing the deal and sealing her fate.

The main character (Jack) is witty at times, and mostly likable, but she gets to be annoying in her efforts to NOT sleep with the hottie cat-guy (who she affectionately nicknames "Cat"). They end up going to a planet where some pretty interesting things happen publicly, sex-wise, in order to rescue the main character's sister who was kidnapped and sold into slavery six years prior to when the story takes place. In fact, the only reason the main character purchases her slave in the first place is to use him as a decoy. The planet to which they're going is one where the men keep their women on cutesy little chains and have their child-like temper tantrums calmed by their slave girls' performances of various libidinous acts.

Some of the descriptions and the imagery created in the story were quite good! The author did a really fantastic job with describing the settings of the various places where the book takes place, and you really get a feel of what the two protagonists are seeing. The slave and his "captor" have a common enemy, who turns out to be the main antagonizing force at the climax of the story. This is, of course, as traumatic and sad as any erotic romance with humanoid kitties can be expected to be, but of course ends with its own HEA (Happily Ever After), so all is well.

Some unexpected fun things that I loved about the story were the taste and effect of slave boy's cum, the fun thing done with the main character's nose in the first restaurant, and that the book incorporated being sexually open, even though once they were a "couple" they decided they wanted each other for themselves (which is all too typical). I also liked the unexpected themes of nature and balance, peace and tranquility, and help coming from the most unexpected places. It's hard to find some of these things in a story such as this, so this was refreshing to me.

All in all, Slave was a good read that wasn't too over-the-top on the sex scenes, if that sort of thing turns you off. I recommend it to those who like spicy erotica, and are fairly open-minded, due to the public sex scenes and the idea of sharing lovers. If neither of those things are mood-kills for you, and you enjoy guys who can do interesting things with their cocks (like rotate them in all sorts of directions, at will!), then check this one out when you get the chance! :)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Pornsite Vent: Why are sexually open women = whores???

Okay, this is something that has been happening & pissing me off as of late, but yesterday I was totally infuriated and disgusted by what happened.

Why is it that the average male assumes that being an active member of a porn site means that I am a whore?

Seriously? Why is that? Here's the deal...

So, this guy contacts me, right? And his message is like, "Oh I live in your area and would LOVE to meet you". So, I write him back, like I write all guys who say that, and basically tell him that while I am flattered, I have no interest in secret meetings/hookups with anyone as I am NOT interested in cheating on my husband, etc. Do you know what that fucker wrote back next? The lame-ass goes, "Oh, I just wanna meet you just to talk. No sex, I promise"

Yeah right, bucko. Does that line even work on 13 year olds? 'Cause I seriously doubt it. "Just to talk". WTF ever. Why would I wanna talk to him? I don't know him, he obviously didn't read my profile (not my type, sending me one liners, etc.). Now here's the kicker. I edited it a bit for anonymity followability, but the messages remain un-changed:

1:39 pm, June 27 la_gordita_bonita

LOL! Yeah, right. What do you want to meet me for, then?

1:46 pm, June 27 (otherdudewhosenameIwon'tmention)

I never had head before, I want sum from you...ill pay u for it....

1:48 pm, June 27 la_gordita_bonita

Ah, so you are a liar... and searching for a prostitute. Well [our area] has plenty of those, but I am not one of them. Check Craigslist... plenty of dudes more than willing to give head for free to anyone who'll accept. Have fun!

Alright now, really? REALLY? Where the fuck does he get from anything I've ever said or done that I am a prostitute? Or that I am willing to suck him off? Or that I'm even attracted to him sexually? This digusts the hell out of me and I am furious about it and have tried to find a way to rationalize it in my head. My pictures and videos are free. I respond to comments and messages for the most part, though some do take me longer than others. I accept nearly all friend requests that come my way now. I clearly state that I am married and not interested in random hookups. But for like the bajillionth time in the past week, a guy has gotten on my nerves by approaching me in a really inappropriate way. Now granted, these guys have all been random unknowns. But still, why can't they just beat their dicks and leave me the hell alone?!?!

I know that it doesn't bother some people, but I take serious issue with cheating. It can cause all sorts of hellacious, ridiculous, awful problems in relationships. I don't like it. I don't condone it. I shy away from it because it tears me up inside. It destroys families and good people, their children and their homes. But that wasn't the reason I started this thread LOL. Sorry!

My point is this:

What is it about sexually open, liberated, and promiscuous women that makes the general population of men assume that they are whores? Why are they not treated with the same courtesy and respect as the beautiful woman casually met in public, who may also be just as much of a freak? What makes a guy think it's okay to say "I wanna rape your ass with my huge cock" to a woman he's never met? Or propisition to pay her for "services" as though she were a prostitute, when she states she's a mom and wife? Basically, what is it about a sexually liberated woman that makes a guy assume she's a slut... even if she's not?


Saturday, June 4, 2011

Welcome! Bienvenidos :)

Hello and welcome, all!  I hope that you enjoy my musings on all things erotic!  I have enjoyed reading erotica since I can remember, and have decided to share my love for it with all of you in the form of reviews!  Other sex-related topics and themes may also pop up from time to time, so please be sure to try and keep an open mind as you peruse my things.  It is not my intent to offend, but if you *are* one who is easily offended, then you may want to continue browsing elsewhere.  Thank you! :)