My first Booooooobgasm!!!!!

OH MY GOD!

Today, the hubby kept teasing me at work while I was trying to organize files, get this week's tests & quizzes sorted out, etc.  He is so damn sexy.  He kept pulling his deliciously thick cock out and stroking it to tease me.  Reminding me that he was commando today, and smacking my ass anytime I was within reach.

It was HOT.

I was ridiculously turned on, but couldn't afford to be too distracted, even though he pulled out all the stops (to the point of bending me over a desk and bumping/grinding against my pussy through my panties.  When we finally got home, I went to lay down with him and he began fondling me all over... he slyly managed to maneuver my left nipple out of my dress and bra and began to suck the hell out of it, biting and tugging.  Amazing doesn't even begin to describe how it felt!  Slowly, I felt myself begin writhing against him... a little at first, then more and more quickly until all of a sudden BAM!!!! A seriously strong orgasm that had me bucking and panting and groaning as though I'd just been fucked senseless! The aftershocks were complete with twitching and giggling while wearing a big ol' grin.

It took a few minutes  for my body to calm down and fully register what had happened.
I still have a HUGE smile on my face.

Yes = no, maybe?

I love men.  They are so damn sexy in all their various shades, shapes, and sizes...

However, I absolutely hate it when they ignore what I have to say and try (against all odds, mind you) to convince me that I should go against my own logic and bend to their will on a whim.  It's laughable, really.  Personally, I think I am quite the bitch.  But without fail, I constantly encounter men who either can't read, opt NOT to read, or simply choose what they wish my words to say.

1. If you ask for my msn/YM/email and I say NO, I don't mean maybe.  I most certainly don't mean YES.  I absolutely, wholeheartedly, without any semblance of a doubt mean NO.
   
2. If you ask me to "c2c" (ugh... I absolutely abhor that term!) and I say NO, trust and believe that I mean that emphatically, with a resounding HELL NO to boot.
   
3. If you give me your number and tell me to call or text you... this one gets another HELL NO.  Likewise if you're bold enough to ask for my number so that you can call or text *me*.  Nuh-uh.  Ain't gonna happen.  (And yes, I did just use "ain't" in a sentence!)
   
4. If you have the audacity to ask me to post more pics or vids (especially and particularly if/when you have NONE or very few posted yourself) even after I state that I have not, nor do I intend to, put up new pics or vids for a while, then damn it all to hell,  I will ignore you.... and have nothing else to say to you for a while.  I have hundreds of pics and at least 12 or 15 vids posted.  Go fap over them and leave me the hell alone.  K?Thx.Bai! ^.^;

The quickest way to turn me (or many women, for that matter) off completely is to *ignore* what I have to say.   I don't appreciate it.  I damn sure don't tolerate it.  And it makes me laugh AT you, not with you.  Idiocy does nothing for me, lovies.  I suppose that's why I have such a huge thing for nerds and super-genius intellectuals. :)

Bottom line?  Yes, I am naked on the internet.  But I also have the right to choose who I do or don't interact with since all my content is free.  You ain't payin' me, bitchezzzzzz.... so you're also NOT my Boss.  This means I could give a rat's ass when you make an attempt at telling me what to do.  Ask my husband how well that works out. :-p

<3 LGB

Fifty Shades of Blah....

Where do I even begin?  

This book caught my attention because my husband directed me to a news article about the book that stated how many women were SO into its dark, brooding, BDSM scenes.  What a joke!  I am not sure how or why this book is even on the Bestsellers list.  Perhaps it's because I am such an avid reader of erotic lit and enjoy BDSM?  

Either way, while I do commend the author's attempt at authenticity, I was appalled at how obvious it was that the author's a Brit trying to write from the perspective of an American.  There were sooooo many odd choices of wording (i.e. the white shirts we Americans refer to as tank tops or "wife beaters", or simply undershirts were referred to in the book as a SINGLET!!!! WTF is a "singlet"???? I had to look it up as we in the USA never, ever use that term! Then there was the implication that any 21 year old college student would actually say something like, "Hey girlfriend!" when talking to one of her besties.... ummm... what?!?!?!  No one actually says "Hey girlfriend!").  I was actually offended by the abundant use of British vernacular amongst two obviously very American people.  The oddness occurred often enough that it consistently threw me off while I was reading, causing me to rely on Kindle's built-in dictionary quite often.

The next thing that I did not enjoy were the Dom/sub and sex scenes.  Classical music during a scene amongst two people under thirty years of age?  Odd, but I went with it.  However, the protagonist's freak-out over being spanked (when she was ready to completely throw away her virginity on a whim) was over the top.  Ana, to me, seemed a lot like Bella Swan.  While I did enjoy the Twilight series overall, I absolutely *do not* like Bella Swan, and likewise felt no connection with Anastasia.  She was too fake/phony/whiny/whatever for me.  I haven't read many books and had an actual angry reaction, but this one certainly made me pissed by the time I reached the end.

I appreciate what the author attempted to do, but I think this book is better described as a romance novel for vanilla people who occasionally think a kinky thought or two.... not as BDSM erotica, which it clearly is not.  If it were more appropriately described, then I probably wouldn't have been as put-off and disappointed as I was.  I really wanted to like this book, but as an erotica fan and non-vanilla young American, I simply couldn't.  The one thing I did enjoy, though, was the non-traditional ending.  That was well-played and executed on the author's part... even if the protagonist was "over the top" about it.  I mean really.... sleeping in a bed smeared with your hymen's blood is cool, but six swats from a belt on your ass is enough to make you get up & start packin'???? Whatevs.

Finding Bliss (movie)

I am a clumsy, dorky, nerdy girl.  Much like the main character, Jody, in the film Finding Bliss.  As a child, she spends a LOT of time pining for the crush of her dreams, playing countless games of spin the bottle, kissing tons of people, and when FINALLY it lands on him... he won't kiss her!  Instead, he calls her a slut.

Wow.

Years later, she is struggling to get into the film industry in Hollywood and this is when the fun happens!  She lands a job editing porn when she knows absolutely zilch about sex!  Yeah, it's a corny plot but it was also quite cute.  Especially the cheesy, almost vulgar faked porn scenes.  While it was a bit predictable with all the foreshadowing and whatnot, it was still a great way to spend an hour and a half of my day.  It reminded me of youth, trust, and just how easily a girl's ego can be crushed... and how her views of sex and sensuality can be skewed by the slightest things.  Luckily though, the protagonist finds her way back to womanhood!

All in all, if you enjoy comedy and think Leelee Sobieski is a super-hottie, as I do, then you'll enjoy this film.  It's currently playing on OnDemand, so make sure you catch it while you can!  Or... get it on Netflix or something.  Whatever :)

The Creepsters... and why we love them!

photo © Sarah Klockars-Clauser
for openphoto.net CC:Attribution-ShareAlike



For anyone who has an online presence, or who's ever tried talking to other people online (with OR without the intent of ever actually "hooking up"), chances are you've probably encountered a creepster.  It's okay, really.  Go ahead.  Think about it....

Now that you've thought about it (even if you may not have wanted to), can you count how many there have been?

Sadly, I can honestly say I have reached the point where I can no longer count them.  But I don't know that that's necessarily a bad thing!  You see, as I was thinking on this over the lovely holiday weekend, I came to a miraculous conclusion: we love the Creepsters!!!!  We do, truly!  Don't believe me?  Well, allow me to explain to you why! :)

The reason the Creepsters are our secret little lovebunnies is because they give us a reason to stay sane by comparison.  It's like, wow... suddenly I don't seem so insanely abnormally odd when compared to THAT Creepster person!  Sheesh.  And then we list off all the reasons (either out loud or in our head) why we are more "normal" than the abnormal creep that just got on our freakin' bad side and then suddenly we are feeling better about our own quirks.  The best thing about it is, we generally don't ever (and I repeat EVER) go out of our way to annoy, irritate, or berate said Creepsters in any way, shape, or form... because we know they will probably go crazy on our asses and resort to some atypical, abnormally creepy sort of violence that we just do NOT want to deal with.  And that shit ain't cool.  So, we keep cool, ignore them quietly, and hope that they get the message and go away or disappear on their own...

Most of the time this method works, and within a few months or a year, we find ourselves in the clear! Yeah! But every once in a while, the Creepster proves themselves to be more problematic than we originally thought they'd be.  If you find this to be the case, go get a restraining order ASAP (if they live in your city) or block them and change your email addy or whatnot if they don't.  It's like feeding the trolls in other places online... the more morsels they get, the worse they behave.  And yes, I have certainly had to take it there a time or two myself!

Finally, please please PLEASE beware of the signs of people with actual mental disorders.  I honestly didn't know I was dealing with a full on sadistic sociopath until it was too late.  Said sociopath sought me out recently and slipped me his number as recently as a month ago... and it's been 2 years since we hooked up.  Two years, folks.... so, please, if you think the Creepster is actually *more* than just a creep, take extra precautions in your own favor, okay?

That said, remember that Creepsters are people, too!  They honestly just fell in lust with your 'net wit and humorously insightful wiles, cunning remarks, and sensual ways.  How could they not?  You're a fox! ;)  And their undying, unrelenting, selfless adoration just shows you how much you have to be thankful for.  And this is why we love them... they may be Creepsters, but they see our beauty beyond our flaws, and love us anyway. We love them back because they make us feel more sane.  It's win-win, right?  At least that's what we'll keep telling ourselves... keep smiling and nodding until they're not looking and you can make a run for it, honey!  ;)

Ignore me... I'm having post turkey day euphoric bliss.

Scooting further into Wannabe-Cougar Status: LGB’s Kryptonite

What is it about teenage boys that makes them so dangerous to me? Most of the time, I make my way through life just fine, thank you very much! But every once in a while I am like a deer in headlights… and the car speeding towards me is a super-hot young thing and for some reason I just can’t damn tear myself away.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that even after all these years I am still enthralled with the beauty that is my husband. I think he’s gorgeous, and he makes my heart go pittypattypat all aflutter stutter with his super-long lovely lashes, caramel honey eyes, luscious lips, smooth skin, perfectly maintained and manicured nails, and svelte body. He’s always been oh, I dunno… 60-100lbs smaller than me from the time I’ve known him. Sometimes more, sometimes less, and it drives me absolutely insane with lust. I have no idea why, but it does. He has a sense of style that makes me trust his judgment even more than my own at times. He is stunning, and intelligent, and an intellectual, and passionate about the things he cares about in a way that makes me melt. He is a plethora of knowledge and more than capable of carrying on a conversation with others on a slew of topics, and these are all things that drive me insane with lust if other men have them as well.

So how does all that relate to younger or even teenie bopper hotties? Well, I have this almost fetish-like lust for the perpetually playful as well. Many men tend to lose that with age, and they become hardened and jaded. They also become less curious about the world at large, and I love learning things and can’t ever imagine getting to a point where I no longer wish to discover what else there is to know.

But the main reason I love young guys: long hair and skinny jeans. OH. My. GOD. Now, my hubbykins would never be caught dead in those skinny jeans, LOL. But sometimes he does get to grow his hair out ‘til it gets a bit shaggy and I *love* it. And… although I think most men now might’ve been comfy wearing skinny jeans in the 80s, they totally won’t rock them now. Young guys don’t seem to mind one bit. I like those that don’t rock the skinny jeans too LOL. Emo/scene/goth/industrial/punk/whatever=all good with me. I would say urban, but sagging below the ass makes my skin boil in a NOT so good way. It pisses me off and usually comes with a disgustingly disrespectful attitude. Sorry for the generalization/stereotype but I have yet to be impressed.

The only thing that continues to bother me as I move further into my Wannabe-Cougar Status is that a lot of times, there is an uncertainty, or an insecurity, on the young guy’s part. He isn’t really sure that he actually LIKES( bigger girls, black girls, married girls, older girls, moms, teachers, fill in the blank with your fantasy here) whatever, but wants to try it out. He doesn’t really know if he CAN have sex with another man in the room. He can’t say for certain whether or not he’s able to commit to anything one way or another unless he and I can get together alone first. UGH. So annoying! And so sad.  Still, I want to bite them so badly. They’re scrumptious!
^.^;

Post-fuck-Bliss!

I am feeling languid... sleepy... unable to focus. The hubby says that what happened last night I fully brought upon myself, but I beg to differ. I agree that we both teased each other throughout the day with sexual banter, texting, images.... but I couldn't even hold myself upright when we were done, much less move! How on earth is that my fault? How could I have possibly done that to myself? LOL.

I want to curl up in bed the rest of the day eating sweet goodies and reading. I don't want to be up. I don't want to do laundry. I don't want to cook or clean up anything. I just want to snuggle up with a book and something yummy and snooze between chapters as the day slips away, feeling the remnants of the deliciousness of what happened last night.

My question to you, dear readers if you're out there, is this:
When having sexual escapades, do we bring it upon ourselves if we find that we are completely unable to function due to total satisfaction & bliss afterward? LOL. Do we have only ourselves to blame if our partners give us exactly what we want by fucking us relentlessly, shamelessly, wantonly until we cum all over themselves and ourselves, being totally depleted once we're through?

It is so delicious... but jeez, I don't want to do anything today... and it's fast approaching noon! :P